she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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