Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
