Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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