You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
