So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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