Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
