Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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