my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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