these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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