I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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