She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
