she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
