My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
