I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
