I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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