i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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