Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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