She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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