Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
