She is in my trunk
Tell her she can't have a vagina
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
