i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
