My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
