Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
