Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
