Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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