Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
