I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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