I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
