My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
