Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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