she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
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Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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