I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
