Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
