I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
