Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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