That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
