I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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