yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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