My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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