last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
