He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
