Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
