So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Everyone says I win the strip club
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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