Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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