I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
