Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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