did you get engaged???
Little spoons don't ask big questions
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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