She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
