My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
