She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
