So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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