Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
