Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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