I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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