A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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