There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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