Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
