you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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