If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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