That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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