last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
